Time Goes On

I know that everyone thinks about the future. People can't help it; it's just human nature. You think about what's going to happen in your life tomorrow, a week from now, a year from now and hope your prepared for whatever comes your way. But what I think about more than the future is the past. I'm constantly analyzing what I did in my past that got me to where I am today. I remember my Poppy being the same way and I didn't really understand at such a young age why he was doing this but I'm starting to grasp why he did.

As you get older you look back on your life and begin to wonder if the decisions you made were the right one's or if you should've chosen a different path. I often wonder what would have happened if I had chosen to go to college closer to home instead of going to college in Buffalo for my first year. I also wonder what would have happened if I would have never met my husband at college and struck up a conversation together. Of course I have a lot of other questions that run through my head but that will have to be saved for another blog.

But just imagine that you did make a different decision than the one you originally made. Would the people you still love be around today? Would you still look and act the same? Would you still be here altogether? It amazes me that in just an instant your life can change for either the good or bad with one choice. That possibly you can unwind years of heartbreak if you had chosen differently and not have to be hurting inside every single day.

I can still recall Poppy sitting there and going over every decision he ever made in his life with me one afternoon while we were sitting in his living room. He started naming off different decisions he made, like not re-enlisiting in the Air Force, or marrying my grandmother, or even moving out of Long Island to Upstate NY. After some time contemplating everything I asked him if he would still do it all over again even though he ended up losing my grandmother to cancer and having his own health issues?

His answer was this: "What happened in my life made me who I am today. I'm not proud of all the decisions that I made or upset with the places I've been or the people I've met in my life. I believe that everything happens for a reason and you have to make decisions to get somewhere in the world today. So I would do it all over again, in a heartbeat." I smiled when he finished and told him that I hope to be able to say the same thing when I'm older. We'll just have to wait and see.