I laid in bed last night and started crying. I let the tears fall and allowed my pillow to become soaked with my tears. I didn't answer my husband at first when he asked what was wrong. No one will ever understand how hard the month of June is for me.
The month of June should be a celebratory time for me because it is my birthday month. But that means nothing to me in comparison to these events. June 9th, 2010 my world crashed down around me and I lost the only person who cared with such a passion it hurt. My Poppy.
Not only do I have to deal with that "lovely" reminder, I also have to sit here this Father's Day and not have my Dad here to celebrate it with. While others get to give gifts and take their dad out to breakfast I get to sit next to my Dad's urn and cry. I feel like I've lost so much and I don't know what else can be taken from me anymore.
At this point I think I've grown numb to it all, but then those damn tears start to fall and it brings up all the memories again. Saying goodbye, asking God to bring them back repeatedly, asking Him to take me instead of them, and feeling the tears run down my hot face.
It's just as vivid as the day's that it happened. I just want to stop hurting already. I don't see that happening anytime soon. And the tears start again...
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